It's my birthday and according to my cards I am variously portrayed as a contented fisherman, a brash sports car afficionado, and a beer swilling cartoon dog, the life and soul of the party.

I hate fishing, flash cars and parties but they don't do cards for do-nothings like me. Maybe they're all saying 'get a life'?

That's greetings cards for you. How many mothers actually believe they're the best mother in the world?

It's my birthday and I'll feel inadequate if I want to.